Los Angeles Regional Technical University
Teaching Todays Loners to be Tomorrows Losers
Do you find yourself removing toast from the toaster with
a knife or fork? Do you often do this while taking a bath?
Did you know skilled computer operators and computer
surgeons can make more than $1,000,000 per day?
Well then, you are just the kind of person we're looking at
to enter the computer and telecommunications field via
LART U.
According to U.S. Department of Education data, all of the
LART U's combined granted the lowest
percentage (.129 percent) of the total number of bachelor's and
associates's degrees awarded in the U.S. in
electronics and electronics-related programs in the 1996-1997 school year
(the latest year for which statistics are
available). All of the LART U's combined also granted the largest share
(20.5 percent) of the total
number of associate's and bachelor's degrees awarded posthumously in the U.S.
in drafting programs during the same period.
How do we manage this impressive feat? First we don't just accept anybody.
We want to make sure that we only take select individuals to put the
Body in Student Body. We want those people who always say,
"Watch this!" when they are drunk; Men and women who aspire to be
on 'Jerry Springer'; and people who run with scissors.
Then we try to provide an industry leading curriculum to further
hone the skills you have grown up with. Examples are:
- LART 101: Sharp Objects and Your Nostrils
- LART 130: Things that Crawl and are Tasty
- LART 300: Small Cars Don't Hurt as Much As 18 Wheelers
Our advanced courses include:
- LART 403: Rectal Application of Fragmentation Grenades
- LART 506: Discussion of the works of Leo Tolstoy
- LART 501: Organ Donation via Home Surgery
Financial Aid
Generous financial aid is available to all the qualify, and
nearly everyone qualifies. LART U is almost entirely privately
funded due to the generous contracts we have with the local
medical school for placement of our graduates.
Charon Scholarships
We offer a nearly unlimited number of these scholarships. As a federally
funded institute we do not discriminate based on age, race, color, national
origin, religion, sexual preference, shoe size, IQ or looks.
Other Information
School Band: Styx
School Motto: Purgamentum init, exit purgamentum
School Flower:
Cicuta maculata
School Mascot: The Fighting Targets