Healthy Meal

The Evolution of the Thirstbuster

...BladderBuster would be a better name

A few years ago I was thinking about the creation of the Thirstbuster/BigGulp. This was back in my college years where many a night were spent programming from 9 p.m. to 6 a.m. At these hours, over several days, you learn to view the wonderful mixture of caffeine and sugar, not as just a necessity, but as a nectar from the gods. We'd stagger down to our local Circle K or 7-11 and then sprint back to the bathroom before our programming sessions.

Then I started thinking about how it is that these monsterous cups came into being. I think it may have gone something like this:

Bob: How about self serve fountain drinks?
Jane: Wow, that's a great idea! How big should they be?
Bob: Well, some people drink soft drinks instead of coffee, so how about the same size, 8 ounces?
Jane: Sounds good.

A few months later...

Bob: Wow, these drinks are selling like hot cakes! Maybe we could charge more if we made them bigger?
Jane: I think you're on to something here. Let's see, how big should we make it?
Bob: Well, the average capacity of the human bladder is about 13 ounces. People won't want to have to go to the bathroom more than once a drink, so let's go with 16 ounces. That's probably as big as we'll ever be able to sell.

...next year...

Chet: Well, we got rid of Bob because he was making us too damn much money. How are we going to wipe out the memory of his past successes?
Jane: Well, we've noticed these 16 ounce drinks are flying off the cup holders. Let's try a bigger one.
Chet: Great idea. I'm glad I thought of it. What is the largest amount that the average person can hold in one hand.
Jane: Um...I don't know, about 32 ounces? Let's commission a focus group to find out.
Chet: We just did, and you said 32 ounces, now shut up.

...now the late 80's are upon us

Jane: Ok, I killed that arrogant Chet bastard, how can we make sure no one misses him?
Joe: Let's make the Thirstbuster/BigGulp bigger?
Jane: Sounds good. What is the maximum amount of fluid that can be contained in a normal cup?
Joe: Um...I'd guess 48 ounces. I think this is bigger than the human stomach. Are you sure this is a good idea?
Jane: Don't make me kill you too.

...one year later...

Jane: I don't believe it. 48 ounces doesn't not seem like the maximum. Let's think outside the cup. What if we did funny things with the lid and made it stronger, how far can we go with cardboard?
Joe: 64 ounces. I've already commissioned and completed the engineering study.
Jane: You're not after my job are you?

...current day...

Joe: How much ice and soday could we fit in a backpack?

Pretty soon we're going to need our own Sherpa to haul our drinks around for us.