The first time she goes into her OB/GYN, the nurses all laugh and chuckle and say:
"Now you get to learn the best kept secret about pregnancy...you're really pregnant for 10 months"
My wife related this story to me, several other people told me this, and I decided it sounded like total bullshit. So, let's look at this.
First, let's get a few mathematical facts straight.
This means, if you are pregnant for 40 weeks, you are NOT pregnant for 10 months. You see 40 weeks is 40*7 days. I could do the math for you, but I'll let you open that pathetic little calculator on Windows and do it. If you divide this number ( ha, bet you thought I'd just tell you later) by the real rough number of days in a month, 30, you'll get 9.3! That's right, a smidge over 9 months! No where near to 10, unless, maybe you live in Tennessee, in which case there are 10 * Pi days in a month.
But wait, this gets better. Where the hell did 40 weeks come from? Well, this is actually the number of weeks from the LMP ( Last Montly Paycheck) and the expected due date. Well, between LMP and conception is normally 2 weeks, because that's when the beer money is still available. This means that they've added 2 weeks to the pregnancy, before you've even conceived!
Hell, if you're going to do that, then all women are pregnant for 6 months out of the year because they're pregnant for two weeks each month, and just don't get lucky enough to conceive.
So, now we're down to 38 weeks. 38 weeks * 7 days a week is 266 days. Divide that by our favorite 30 days in a month and you get 8.87 months. Less than 9 months!
But, why in the hell should you believe me? One of the problems with people today is they're not skeptical enough! I could have said 42 and 40 or 52 and 90 and you probably would have bought it! For the love of god, why don't you check!
Oh, you're probably too lazy, and, plus, I want to show you I didn't just make this up. In the historic Roe v. Wade you can see what it is. Or, you could do one of your own searches. Look for human and gestation ( This is a word derived from the Latin meaning "creating large beer belly").
Or, if you would like to reinforce my opinion of you, you can take my word for it that it's 266 days, or less than 9 months.
So, don't listen to the Communists, Revisionists or Impressionists, pregnancy is no where near 10 months, unless you're pregnant, in which case it's closer to 20 perceptual months.
"Your life is going to change in ways you could never imagine."
You are full of shit!
I can imagine a lot of things.
I can imagine a world in which cats and dogs live together in harmony. I can imagine a world where teachers get paid $250 million, and professional atheletes make $35,000. I can imagine a world without God. I can imagine a world in which George W. Bush won the election for President. I can imagine the sudden compression of matter that did not exist previously in this universe suddenly expanding and growing at a completely imaginable rate to create the Universe that may or may not collapse back in on itself. Most importantly, I can imagine a world in which I decide to cap you and get away with it because you're saying such stupid things.
"Your Honor, they told me 'my life would change in ways I couldn't even imagine'. I just snapped, grabbed the nearest pregnant woman, and beat them to death with her. She told me she could have imagined this happening."
Case dismissed!
I sure as hell can imagine being sleep deprived, listening to a toddler say "No" four thousand times, thinking that crayon and clothes choices can mean the end of the universe, a son or daughter dating, changing diapers, doting less on my dogs, the list goes on and on.
As a matter of fact, I have a hard time imagining that there is something out there that I can't imagine. I want someone to say:
"Your life is going to change in ways you can imagine. Humans have been doing this for thousands of years, and if the morons on Cops can manage to raise children, you'll be fine."