"What is a mal-adjusted whackjob like you doing with children?!?!?"
There are a couple of answers to this. The first is, as any episode of Cops will show you, being a complete whackjob does not mean you can't have children. We can argue about whether or not you should have children, but that is a different article. The second is that, shockingly, I'm not as nutso as some of the stuff I write would indicate. This is my ranting-pissed-off-yell-at-the-world side. In real life I'm a mild mannered reporter.
So, what can I tell you about children? Nothing those of you with children don't already know, and a lot of stuff those of you without don't.
There is no doubt that having kids is a big pain in the ass. It is a lot of work, you give up a lot of personal time, and it is inconvienent. It is also probably the best thing I have ever been involved in. (Not the best thing I've ever done, because let's be honest, having kids is easy, raising them is hard). You do not understand love until you have kids. You think you love your girlfriend/wife/mother of your children, and you think you love your parents, but you're wrong. With your parents, they have always been there for you, you do love them, but their constancy means that you take them for granted. With your SO, there is an element of lust, and that puts things in a different light. With children, you have these little creatures that put you on a pedestal. They come to you when they're hurt. They laugh and smile when they see you. They are genuinely happy to be in your presence. It is an amazing experience.
But, what do you need to know about raising kids?
This is one of my pet peeves. How fucking hard is it to say what you're going to do and do it?!?!
"If you don't eat dinner, no dessert."
Then don't give them dessert!
"If you do X, I'm going to do Y!".
If it happens do it! If you aren't going to, then
shut your fucking pie hole, smile and let them do whatever
the fuck they want.
There are two classes of things that kids want to do: stuff that you don't want them to do, and stuff that has a high probability of getting them hurt if they do it. The latter stuff is the perfect time to say "No." For the former, just let them do it. So what if they want to mix all the Play-do together.
"Daddy, can I see what the electrical socket tastes like?"
"NO!"
Really, how hard is this?
Find books that are fun for you to read. Dr. Suess is fine. The short Boyton books are fine. Go to the library. Clifford the Big Red Dog sucks my Daddy the Big Red Dick.
Don't be a slave to it, but you'll be happier and so will they. Start bedtime at the same time. Dinner at the same time, bath before bed, all of those things. If you have to be out, or you have holidays, or if you have company over, screw the routine, but overall you'll be happier.
Yes, it gets tiring explaining How a Motion Detector Works or any of the other things, but it's time they are learning. If you don't know, do some research....or better yet, go to the library with them and do the research with them.